Man calls wife a hypocrite for banning daughter from wearing makeup to cover acne like she does. AITA?
"AITA For Calling My Wife A Hypocrite For Banning Her Daughter From Wearing Makeup To Cover Acne Despite The Fact My Wife Does It"
Top_Purchase_9253
I (30f) married a woman (40f) in January of 2024. My wife, who we'll call Yazmin, has two daughters who we'll called Penny (12f) and Lily (10f). Yazmin, and her 3 sisters has acne since they were 12.
It's like a family curse. For them it's full face, upper neck, full back, full shoulders, and upper arm covered in pimples that leaves scars even if they don't mess with the pimples. Their mother's acne didn't clear until she went menopause.
Yazmin has a rule that her daughter are not allowed to wear makeup until they are 18. When I first heard it I thought it wasn't practical given her daughters' ancestry but I didn't make a fuss about it at the time.
But since April, poor Penny got her 1st zit, a big red pimple in the middle of her forehead. Given she, like the rest of her family, is blonde and very fair skinned it really stands out. Poor thing had to go out like that.
Then the rest of her forehead got covered in pimples, then her chin, then her cheeks, and it's still spreading. Yazmin gets to put on makeup first thing in morning and takes it off at bedtime. She, and her sisters were allowed to wear makeup when they were kids.
Acne is horrible whether or not you get to cover it with makeup but at least the makeup helps a little. I saw this young girl beg with tears flowing down her face for her mother to allow her to wear makeup.
Yazmin keeps refusing. A few days ago, Penny was again begging her mom. This time Lily was also begging on her sister's behalf. Yazmin refused, and I called Yazmin a hypocrite to her face, in front of her daughters.
I then explained farther by pointing out the facts of how Yazmin and her sisters were allowed to wear makeup. I then said that if Penny and Lily are not allowed to wear makeup then Yazmin should stop wearing makeup.
Yazmin yelled saying I have no idea what's it like to have acne, and that she has to wear it to be taken seriously at work. I said then Penny needs to wear it to be treated at school. Yazmin got angrier and said I never had acne so I don't get to have an opinion.
Later in the night, Yazmin was crying. I have literally never mentioned her acne before that moment. She was asking me if she's ugly to me. I told her she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She's has been insecure ever since.
I feel like I was an asshole to my wife. She was been crying ever night since. Penny is still miserable. Lily is scared that she might go threw what Penny is going threw in the near future. I never had acne so I really don't know what they are going threw. Maybe I was out of line. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
afg4294
Info - what's your wife's reasoning? Given how severe the acne is, makeup can definitely make it worse which would leave even worse long-lasting scarring. I'm curious if that's the reason for the no-makeup rule.
Regardless, the solution here isn't makeup. This is a medical issue that needs to be addressed. This is 2024, we have cures for acne. Talk to your wife about getting a referral to a dermatologist. There are OTC meds, but for something this bad, see a specialist.
The OP responded here:
Top_Purchase_9253
The reason is to not to look too adult. In in addition to the acne, but wife's family is very tall. Penny is already 5 feet 8 inches tall at age 12 and Lily is 5 feet 6 inches tall at age 10.
They look like adults and there are other rules to they to make them look less grown up. We deal with dermatologists. I hope that something can work. Not even accutane could clear Yazmin's acne.
Upset_Sink_2649
I believe hormone imbalance can also cause acne/breakouts, which would track with your wife's acne clearing once she hit menopause. Maybe also check with a gino specialized in hormonal issues.
mmwhatchasaiyan
I second this. Hopefully wife and daughters are already seeing a dermatologist given how severe their acne and breakouts are. If they aren’t… WHY?? Skin issues that severe are not normal and need to be addressed by a professional.
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - you are advocating for your wife's kids.
"A few days ago, Penny was again begging her mom. This time Lily was also begging on her sister's behalf. Yazmin refused, and I called Yazmin a hypocrite to her face, in front of her daughters.
I then explained farther by pointing out the facts of how Yazmin and her sisters were allowed to wear makeup. I then said that if Penny and Lily are not allowed to wear makeup then Yazmin should stop wearing makeup.
Yazmin yelled saying I have no idea what's it like to have acne, and that she has to wear it to be taken seriously at work. I said then Penny needs to wear it to be treated at school." The pot calling the kettle black. She wore makeup as a kid to hide her acne but is abusing her daughters by refusing them the same care.
_ohne_dich_
NTA. Is there a chance her daughter can go to a dermatologist? Acne treatments have come a long way.
MagnanimousRaccoon
Seconding this. As someone who has dealt with it for 30+ years now, a lot of my memory of adolescence is marred by remembering having to constantly be embarrassed and scared to look up in the hallways when a breakout was bad.
There are a ton of prescription creams and pills that can help these kids not dread waking up in the morning to see how bad the day will be. It affects your self esteem so much, and there’s a lot of old-timey “you’re dirty/eat too much greasy food/don’t wash your face” stigma that beats you down.
tatersprout
NTA. The only mistake you made was not making the conversation private. You should not have addressed it in front of the children. Your wife is a hypocrite. Her acne obviously distresses her.
It's astounding that she doesn't understand how it could distress her daughter to and that it's unreasonable to make these girls wait until they are adults to be able to wear makeup.
All she is doing is encouraging them to lie and be secretive, because they are going to get their hands on makeup and wear it behind her back. They will put it on every time they leave the house without her. Ask me how I know that for a fact.