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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - July 29, 2014

1. The Bad News: True Love Is Dead — The Good News: Beyoncé Might Be Back On The Market! Amidst recent rumors that music power couple Beyoncé Knowles and Jay-Z are on the outs comes news that Knowles is looking around...

This kitten does not take kindly to threats, even if they're coming from a ceramic cat.

"What are you not looking at?"No one likes to be ignored. Especially by a visitor in your own house. So it's understandable that this kitten might take offense when a "new cat" shows up with a bad attitude. The kitten may have been open to...

Drunk woman eats potato chips off the floor of a New York City train.

There are annoying Friday-night drunks, and then there's the girl who eats off the floor of the train while asking other people if they know who she is....

Girl who can't figure out miles per hour will make you feel smart.

I hope she's the pretty one.To anyone who has ever been accused of being "the dumb sibling," behold! The dumbest sibling of all.Laurel's sister asks, "If I am traveling from here to a location that's 80 miles away, and I...

Two Dogs attempt to go down a children's slide, but only one of them nails it.

The kids are home guarding the house.Doberman Pinschers were bred to be guard dogs, which is why they're traditionally better at scaring people than, say, successfully navigating a spiralling children's playground slide. So, the fact that...

YouTube star surprises his parents by paying off their house with money he earned from his horrible videos.

I finally have enough money to leave your mom!It's every parent's dream: your kid promises to thank you for your years of hard work by paying off your house. YouTube Star Timothy DeLaGhetto made that very promise...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles poster accidentally recreates 9/11.

Cowabungapologies are in order....

Vet who had sex with dogs and horses loses license, becomes just regular guy who had sex with dogs and horses.

My Little Porny. (via Daily Mail)Oliver Lown trained as a vet at a university in Hungary, but got caught fucking dogs and horses in the UK. The BBC reports that, according to the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons...

How not to respond when your phone rings in the middle of a live TV interview.

It's never a good thing when your ringing phone interrupts an important conversation. Just don't respond like this guy did....

How to tell if your cat is an introvert.

 Letting the cat into the bag. This introverted cat's first trip outside went... good, not great. She got a little freaked out by the whole fresh air situation, so according to the description on ignoramusky's...

The most insane roommate ads ever posted on Craigslist.

Looking for a roommate is every young person's rite of passage, and like most rites this one often ends in bloodshed. Searching the ads you learn all about the human condition and its propensity for veganism, nudism, and in-home compost...