The 35 things you wished you'd said to coworkers in 2013.
Workplace - My sadness at your leaving the company is tempered by my excitement at taking your chair and computer speakers
For that one person with functioning computer speakers in your office. - I'd be happy to teach you how to live on a shitty salary
Tip: wash down cheap, shitty food with cheap, shitty beer. - Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you're already doing.
Make sure your new business cards that say "sucker" on them. - Nobody does better mediocre work than you
Something we hear on a daily basis. - Before you tell me what I did wrong, you should first know that I don't care.
A card for when you know you can't be fired, and that kind of bums you out. - We need to discuss the impact you're having on the men's bathroom
For the coworker whose dietary choices just seem like passive-aggressive assaults. - I'd be more scared of North Korea if I wasn't already threatened daily by a clueless egomaniac less powerful than he thinks he is.
Glorious CEO commands you stay late in exchange for bountiful meal voucher! - On your workplace rampage, I'd appreciate being killed last
A great way to get a few extra minutes of life to delete your browser history. - My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office.
If your workplace is one of the few that still has private offices, blow this up poster-size.

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