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Let's celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me

Happy anniversary from someone who knows more about the inner workings of your marriage than any third party should

I hope you have a great first anniversary and that this exempts me from ever having to remember it again

Happy anniversary to you and your beard

I never doubted you'd make it to your one-month anniversary

Here's to another year of staying together for the kids

Happy anniversary to a great couple who are somehow related to me

Happy anniversary to a couple who almost never make me physically ill

Your anniversary is a sobering reminder that the last time I got laid was at your wedding

Here's to another year of me pretending to like your significant other

Happy anniversary from someone you're probably shocked knew it was your anniversary

Sorry you had to guilt me into acknowledging your anniversary

Let's celebrate our holy union by acting like horny single people

Marrying you was the best thing I've ever done for my vagina

I want to grow old and disgusting with you

I hope we can never afford a divorce

Let's never give up on trying to change each other

I've been looking forward to this for 364 days

It's remarkable how long we've tolerated each other

Today we celebrate our codependence

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