Mar. 1st, 2012
Congratulations to the foster parents who'll be given custody of Snooki's baby in roughly 15 months.
Jan. 8th, 2012
Every time I see a cute kid, I remind myself how awesome it is to sleep through the night.
Nov. 8th, 2011
Congratulations on being only 19 babies away from your own reality show.
Oct. 20th, 2011
I'm not jealous of your baby, I'm jealous of your maternity leave.
Jul. 10th, 2011
I can't wait to not have kids.
Jul. 20th, 2011
I'd be more excited about the arrival of your new baby if it wasn't mine.
Jul. 17th, 2011
Attending your baby shower reminded me that I needed to take my birth control pill.
Jan. 15th, 2011
The care and attention I show my new $600 phone should prove to you that I am ready for motherhood.
Dec. 27th, 2010
Congratulations on the 18 year financial burden you hadn't fully considered.
Dec. 20th, 2010
I think that an unplanned pregnancy could take this relationship to the next level.
May. 14th, 2010
Congratulations on giving your daughter a name that she won't have to change when she becomes a stripper.
Oct. 12th, 2010
After you have our baby I will still love you as if you didn't look like you just had our baby.
Jun. 25th, 2010
Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants.
Jul. 23rd, 2009
I hope you have better luck reciting the alphabet to your child than you did with the police officer.
May. 27th, 2009
Sorry you're due during bathing suit season.
Mar. 20th, 2009
I'm so ready to get this baby out of my body so I can check on him obsessively and give him a complex later in life.
Jan. 4th, 2009
I hope our child gets your nipples.
Aug. 15th, 2008
Way to stay sober for eight and a half months.
Aug. 13th, 2008
Congratulations on trading cramps and bleeding for morning sickness and unimaginable weight gain.
Jul. 14th, 2008
Just curious if you'd like to pay me tens of millions of dollars for pictures of my new baby.