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    You're going to be a great MILF.

    You're going to be a great MILF

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    Congratulations on your baby not swallowing a toy truck.

    Congratulations on your baby not swallowing a toy truck

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    Your baby is beautiful enough to model for a great deal of money.

    Your baby is beautiful enough to model for a great deal of money

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    You're going to be a great father assuming you're the father.

    You're going to be a great father assuming you're the father

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    Let me know how I can support you and your rapidly growing breasts.

    Let me know how I can support you and your rapidly growing breasts

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    Congratulations on trading cramps and bleeding for morning sickness and unimaginable weight gain.

    Congratulations on trading cramps and bleeding for morning sickness and unimaginable weight gain

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    I liked it better when it sucked your boobs.

    I liked it better when it sucked your boobs

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    Congratulations on not having a miscarriage.

    Congratulations on not having a miscarriage

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    I promise to come see the baby before it goes to college.

    I promise to come see the baby before it goes to college

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    I handle my infant with the same tenderness I'd give three magazines.

    I handle my infant with the same tenderness I'd give three magazines

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    We're, or more specifically, I'm pregnant.

    We're, or more specifically, I'm pregnant

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    I'd be happy to show you how to dress like a fat person.

    I'd be happy to show you how to dress like a fat person

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    Think of me as the uncle who stops by when he feels like it.

    Think of me as the uncle who stops by when he feels like it

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    I'd like to purchase your new child.

    I'd like to purchase your new child

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    I'd like to advertise on your new infant.

    I'd like to advertise on your new infant

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