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    Let's celebrate the last time the French showed any balls.

    Let's celebrate the last time the French showed any balls

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    This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person.

    This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person

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    This Bastille Day, let's pause to admire a country where leaders are celebrated for screwing hot models rather than impeached for ejaculating on interns.

    This Bastille Day, let's pause to admire a country where leaders are celebrated for screwing hot models rather than impeached for ejaculating on interns

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    Happy Bastille Day to someone still stuck in a monarchy.

    Happy Bastille Day to someone still stuck in a monarchy

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    I'm boycotting Bastille Day because I'm still upset about France not supporting a war we were totally wrong about.

    I'm boycotting Bastille Day because I'm still upset about France not supporting a war we were totally wrong about

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    If you'd been a prisoner liberated from the Bastille, I'd have carefully considered your plight before alerting the authorities.

    If you'd been a prisoner liberated from the Bastille, I'd have carefully considered your plight before alerting the authorities

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    In honor of Bastille Day, I promise not to mispronounce my many requests for a menage a trois.

    In honor of Bastille Day, I promise not to mispronounce my many requests for a menage a trois

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    My historical knowledge of the French Revolution is based on 17 viewings of History of the World, Part I.

    My historical knowledge of the French Revolution is based on 17 viewings of History of the World, Part I

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    This Bastille Day, let's be even more pretentious about ordering wine.

    This Bastille Day, let's be even more pretentious about ordering wine

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    Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and we don't care about it.

    Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and we don't care about it

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    Happy Bastille Day to someone pretentious enough to know what the fuck that is.

    Happy Bastille Day to someone pretentious enough to know what the fuck that is.

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