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This Bastille Day, let's pause to admire a country where leaders are celebrated for screwing hot models rather than impeached for ejaculating on interns

This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person

Happy Bastille Day to someone still stuck in a monarchy

If you'd been a prisoner liberated from the Bastille, I'd have carefully considered your plight before alerting the authorities

My historical knowledge of the French Revolution is based on 17 viewings of History of the World, Part I

Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and we don't care about it

In honor of Bastille Day, I promise not to mispronounce my many requests for a menage a trois

Let's celebrate the last time the French showed any balls

This Bastille Day, let's be even more pretentious about ordering wine

I'm boycotting Bastille Day because I'm still upset about France not supporting a war we were totally wrong about

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