Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
I hope a 28-year-old billionaire becoming even richer this week doesn't spoil your birthday.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Happy 24 Hours of Constant Facebook Notifications Day.
However old you are is the new 30.
May you live long enough to shit yourself.
I hope you receive the same attention as you demanded on the day of your birth.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
Your birthday is a painful reminder of how old I'm getting.
At least you're not as old as you will be next year.
You're only as old as you feel while getting wildly fucked.
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy.
Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed.
Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine.
It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook.
I'm not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
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