


May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy

Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler

I'm confident your birthday will be the least miserable day of Lent

Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder

I'm not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are

I'd pay much more attention to your birthday this month if it was a college basketball team

Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones

Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine
[Video Card] Happy birthday in sync (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)

Today's the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother's uterus

This is the perfect day to thank me for remembering your birthday

I'd like to take you out for your birthday when it's convenient for me

Happy birthday to a friend of a friend who I now like more than the original friend

It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook

Sorry you're too old to stay out past 10:00 p.m. on your birthday

I don't remember or care how old you are but let's celebrate like you're 21

I considered wishing you a happy birthday but remembered I'm not trying to have sex with you

Happy birthday to someone who loathes any acknowledgment of their birthday

Happy birthday to someone I feel incredibly close to when I'm intoxicated

May your birthday be devoid of cute animals and soul-shredding wordplay

I bet your birthday would be a bigger deal this time of year if you were conceived by a virgin

Let's force a jaded wait staff to go through the motions of singing you "Happy Birthday"

You don't look a day over whatever age you were a few years ago
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler
I'm confident your birthday will be the least miserable day of Lent
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder