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    At least you're not as old as you will be next year.

    At least you're not as old as you will be next year.

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    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder

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    Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to remind you that my birthday is coming up soon.

    Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to remind you that my birthday is coming up soon.

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    May you live long enough to shit yourself.

    May you live long enough to shit yourself

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    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

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    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.

    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers

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    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

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    Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.

    Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.

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    Wishing you happy birthday in private so you can avoid forced birthday conversations with coworkers.

    Wishing you happy birthday in private so you can avoid forced birthday conversations with coworkers.

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    We can't wait until you have Alzheimer's so we can start re-gifting items to you from your own house.

    We can't wait until you have Alzheimer's so we can start re-gifting items to you from your own house.

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    Happy birthday to a coworker whose birthday I actually care about more than eating their office birthday cake.

    Happy birthday to a coworker whose birthday I actually care about more than eating their office birthday cake.

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    Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

    Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

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    May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy.

    May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy

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    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine.

    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine

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    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

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    May your lifespan be freakishly long.

    May your lifespan be freakishly long.

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    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

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    May you grow so old that you unintentionally frighten small children.

    May you grow so old that you unintentionally frighten small children.

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    May you live to be so old your genitalia gets washed for you.

    May you live to be so old your genitalia gets washed for you.

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    Birthday confusion (Michael Showalter).

    Birthday confusion (Michael Showalter)

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