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    Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to remind you that my birthday is coming up soon.

    Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to remind you that my birthday is coming up soon.

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    This is the perfect day to thank me for remembering your birthday.

    This is the perfect day to thank me for remembering your birthday

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    Happy 24 Hours of Constant Facebook Notifications Day.

    Happy 24 Hours of Constant Facebook Notifications Day

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    Your birthday is a painful reminder of how old I'm getting.

    Your birthday is a painful reminder of how old I'm getting

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    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

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    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine.

    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine

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    Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler.

    Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler

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    May this be the least belated of all your belated birthday wishes.

    May this be the least belated of all your belated birthday wishes.

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    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

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    Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.

    Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.

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    Happy birthday to someone who looks young considering how many years this winter has taken off their life.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks young considering how many years this winter has taken off their life.

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    Happy birthday in sync (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter).

    Happy birthday in sync (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)

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    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

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    Happy birthday to someone who wasn't welcomed into the world via tweet or status update.

    Happy birthday to someone who wasn't welcomed into the world via tweet or status update.

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    At least you're not as old as you will be next year.

    At least you're not as old as you will be next year.

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    May your lifespan be freakishly long.

    May your lifespan be freakishly long.

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    Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed.

    Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed

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    Happy Sweet Sixteen or multiple thereof.

    Happy Sweet Sixteen or multiple thereof

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    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

    I look forward to blaming a drone for losing a birthday present I never got you.

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    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.

    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers

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