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    If I lived closer I would almost definitely try to come out for your birthday.

    If I lived closer I would almost definitely try to come out for your birthday.

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    I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday.

    I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday.

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    Happy birthday to someone old enough to have a Blockbuster card.

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to have a Blockbuster card.

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    Due to budget cutbacks, we'd appreciate you not telling anyone when your birthday is so we won't have to buy you a cake.

    Due to budget cutbacks, we'd appreciate you not telling anyone when your birthday is so we won't have to buy you a cake

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    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

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    May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.

    May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.

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    Thank god you're old enough this winter that the sheer number of birthday candles can keep us warm.

    Thank god you're old enough this winter that the sheer number of birthday candles can keep us warm.

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    Happy birthday to someone who looks young considering how many years this winter has taken off their life.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks young considering how many years this winter has taken off their life.

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    You may feel old but you're still the youngest person I had sex with this year.

    You may feel old but you're still the youngest person I had sex with this year.

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    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

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    May your birthday sex be twice as hot and half as painful as the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey.

    May your birthday sex be twice as hot and half as painful as the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey.

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    I hope no acknowledgment of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.

    I hope no acknowledgment of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.

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    Happy birthday to someone who's aged much better in the last four years than Obama.

    Happy birthday to someone who's aged much better in the last four years than Obama.

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    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

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    You don't look a day over whatever age you were a few years ago.

    You don't look a day over whatever age you were a few years ago

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    I'd be much more into your birthday if it was my birthday.

    I'd be much more into your birthday if it was my birthday

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    I'll always think of you as someone older than me.

    I'll always think of you as someone older than me

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    Sorry your winter birthday coincides with my seasonal depression.

    Sorry your winter birthday coincides with my seasonal depression

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    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

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    Happy birthday to someone who will soon need performance-enhancing drugs to ride a stationary bike.

    Happy birthday to someone who will soon need performance-enhancing drugs to ride a stationary bike.

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