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    Let's celebrate another year of your life by drinking enough to subtract a year from your life.

    Let's celebrate another year of your life by drinking enough to subtract a year from your life.

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    Sorry an entire year still wasn't enough time for me to buy you a birthday present.

    Sorry an entire year still wasn't enough time for me to buy you a birthday present.

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    I'll wish you a happy birthday a day early since it's likely I won't think about you two days in a row.

    I'll wish you a happy birthday a day early since it's likely I won't think about you two days in a row.

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    We can't wait until you have Alzheimer's so we can start re-gifting items to you from your own house.

    We can't wait until you have Alzheimer's so we can start re-gifting items to you from your own house.

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    May your birthday be filled with generic well-wishes on your Facebook wall from people you barely know.

    May your birthday be filled with generic well-wishes on your Facebook wall from people you barely know.

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    I hope that your birthday party is more fun than your political party.

    I hope that your birthday party is more fun than your political party.

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    May you live to be so old that there's a genuine risk you could die from the excitement of celebrating your birthday.

    May you live to be so old that there's a genuine risk you could die from the excitement of celebrating your birthday.

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    I hope you appreciate the amount of thought I put into the decision not to get you a birthday gift.

    I hope you appreciate the amount of thought I put into the decision not to get you a birthday gift.

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    Sorry I care so much about your birthday that it's making you uncomfortable.

    Sorry I care so much about your birthday that it's making you uncomfortable.

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    Happy Birthday to a friend I will probably wind up living with after our husbands finally come out of the closet.

    Happy Birthday to a friend I will probably wind up living with after our husbands finally come out of the closet.

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    I'm sending you this e-card in lieu of a phone call so you don't detect my lack of enthusiasm for your birthday.

    I'm sending you this e-card in lieu of a phone call so you don't detect my lack of enthusiasm for your birthday.

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    by the time you reach the new 40, you 'll be dead.

    by the time you reach the new 40, you 'll be dead

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    I hope you get some of the attention that you so pathetically crave on your birthday.

    I hope you get some of the attention that you so pathetically crave on your birthday.

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    May you live long enough to dread having birthdays.

    May you live long enough to dread having birthdays.

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    There aren't any topical references in this eCard because I scheduled its delivery over a month ago.

    There aren't any topical references in this eCard because I scheduled its delivery over a month ago.

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    Facebook's notification that it was your birthday reminded me that I had been meaning to unfriend you.

    Facebook's notification that it was your birthday reminded me that I had been meaning to unfriend you.

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    If any of my Farmville crops die while I'm wishing you a happy birthday, I'll never forgive you.

    If any of my Farmville crops die while I'm wishing you a happy birthday, I'll never forgive you.

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    I put a lot more thought into the thoughtless gift I got you than you might think.

    I put a lot more thought into the thoughtless gift I got you than you might think.

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    Your frequent mention of your upcoming birthday is no match for my unshakeable apathy.

    Your frequent mention of your upcoming birthday is no match for my unshakeable apathy.

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    You look exactly the age you won't admit you are.

    You look exactly the age you won't admit you are.

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