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    Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed

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    May your summer birthday be less hot and sticky than the moment of your birth

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    Happy birthday to a Jersey native who only occasionally embarrasses our state

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    You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday because I didn't get you anything for your birthday

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    You know it's a special day if you're blowing birthday candles and not Mel Gibson

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    May you always look young enough to be rightfully scared of Roman Polanski

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    No alcohol-monitoring bracelet could stop me from celebrating your birthday

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    However old you are is the new 30

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    Sorry I celebrated your birthday harder than you did

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    Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time I take a piss.

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    May Lady Gaga not somehow creepily steal attention from you on your birthday

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    Happy birthday to you and anyone visiting your Facebook Wall whose birthday is coming up soon

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    If you could throw a baseball 100 miles per hour, I'd pay more attention to you every 5th day instead of every 365th

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    Let's spend your birthday getting as out of control as a monumentally disastrous oil spill

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    Let me know if you're leaving Facebook so I can say happy birthday for the last time ever

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    I'm glad your paranoia over Facebook doesn't outweigh your desire to get birthday wishes on Facebook

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    I promise not to get you pregnant while celebrating the day you were born

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    Happy birthday to one of the few people left on earth who may not be cheating on their significant other

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    Don't forget the consequences of getting an iPad could be getting ebooks for your birthday

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    You'll never be too old to buy booze for underage kids

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