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    The best way to get back at an ex is to have sex with me

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    I'm sorry to hear you didn't dump that prick sooner

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    It's not me, it's you

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    I still want to be Facebook friends

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    Let Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce serve as a warning that non-Jewish marriages won't necessarily be saved by a two-week intensive course in Jewish mysticism

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    Your painful breakup has made me feel less alone

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    He didn't like girls

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    Sorry I didn't break your heart in private

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    Let's take a break until I've slept with as many people as you have

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    I hope we never stay broken up

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    This isn't about you being too short for me

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    I'll be publicly sobbing for the next few weeks

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    Please take me back so I remember why we broke up

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    If you cut your hair, I'm dumping you.

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    I was hoping this electronic greeting card could help salvage our relationship

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    You will grow emotionally from months of bone-crushing agony

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    Take some time to be alone with your penis

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    If you're tired of discussing my nightmarish relationship, I'd love the opportunity to begin discussing my nightmarish breakup

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    Sorry I broke up with you via this ecard

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    The good news is that she was a cunt

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