I still want to be Facebook friends
Take some time to be alone with your penis
The good news is that she was a cunt
It's not me, it's you
I hope we never stay broken up
This isn't about you being too short for me
You will grow emotionally from months of bone-crushing agony
Your painful breakup has made me feel less alone
You're really nice, reliable, considerate, and not my type
I need you to break up with someone for me
You're not mentally and emotionally damaged enough for me
I miss being angry at you
Please join me in celebrating the end of my marriage
You can have our friends
I'll be publicly sobbing for the next few weeks
I'm sorry to hear you didn't dump that prick sooner
If you're tired of discussing my nightmarish relationship, I'd love the opportunity to begin discussing my nightmarish breakup
I "liked" liked you
Sorry your outdated religious views dismantled our perfectly fine relationship
Let's take things to the previous level
I'm starting a drunken brawl with the first person today who stereotypes the Irish
Save money this St. Patrick's Day by passing out as fast as humanly possible
Lets enjoy the first days of spring watching college basketball in a windowless bar
I'm worried your complete ignorance of college basketball gives you a decided advantage in the office pool
TGIF, motherfuckers
Thinking of Facebook-stalking you this Valentine's Day
Please don't take it personally during the World Series when I ferociously insult your team, your city, and everyone in your extended family
[Video Card] Happy V-day to a hottie (Paulie D)
