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    Just wanted you to not know my new phone number.

    Just wanted you to not know my new phone number

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    You will grow emotionally from months of bone-crushing agony.

    You will grow emotionally from months of bone-crushing agony

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    I think we need to take a follow break until you get your Twittering under control.

    I think we need to take a follow break until you get your Twittering under control

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    If you cut your hair, I'm dumping you.

    If you cut your hair, I'm dumping you.

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    I was hoping this electronic greeting card could help salvage our relationship.

    I was hoping this electronic greeting card could help salvage our relationship

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    We make terrible music together.

    We make terrible music together

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    Maybe we shouldn't have skipped the getting to know each other part.

    Maybe we shouldn't have skipped the getting to know each other part

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    This relationship is moving way too fast or slow for me.

    This relationship is moving way too fast or slow for me

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    Please take me back so I remember why we broke up.

    Please take me back so I remember why we broke up

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    You can have our friends.

    You can have our friends

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    I'll be publicly sobbing for the next few weeks.

    I'll be publicly sobbing for the next few weeks

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    This isn't about you being too short for me.

    This isn't about you being too short for me

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    I need some space.

    I need some space

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    I think we should start seeing other people's Netflix queues.

    I think we should start seeing other people's Netflix queues.

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    I want to apologize if there was any miscommunication that I was with you for any reason other than your money.

    I want to apologize if there was any miscommunication that I was with you for any reason other than your money

  •  

    I need your guidance on a relationship exit strategy.

    I need your guidance on a relationship exit strategy

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    I hope you appreciate that I took the time to dump you by telephone instead of text.

    I hope you appreciate that I took the time to dump you by telephone instead of text.

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    If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far.

    If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far

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    Let's take a break until I've slept with as many people as you have.

    Let's take a break until I've slept with as many people as you have

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    That self-absorbed psychopath and I got back together.

    That self-absorbed psychopath and I got back together

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