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Thanks for getting divorced and adding to the statistical evidence I use as an excuse to avoid marriage

If you're tired of discussing my nightmarish relationship, I'd love the opportunity to begin discussing my nightmarish breakup

Wishing you a divorce that's slightly less appalling than your marriage

I want to apologize if there was any miscommunication that I was with you for any reason other than your money

Sorry I said you can do so much better before your breakup was finalized

Let Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce serve as a warning that non-Jewish marriages won't necessarily be saved by a two-week intensive course in Jewish mysticism

If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far

I'm glad your trial separation didn't work out

Please join me in celebrating the end of my marriage

Sorry I broke up with you via this ecard

I think we need to take a follow break until you get your Twittering under control

I'm glad the death of an elderly family member has prolonged our relationship

Sorry your outdated religious views dismantled our perfectly fine relationship

I was hoping this electronic greeting card could help salvage our relationship

The disintegration of your marriage has greatly improved my social life

Let's take a break until I've slept with as many people as you have

The best way to get back at an ex is to have sex with me

I need some space

Let's not break up until after the holidays

Just wanted you to not know my new phone number

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