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    This breakup is better than Weight Watchers.

    This breakup is better than Weight Watchers.

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    It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.

    It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.

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    Breaking up with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.

    Breaking up with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.

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    Sorry the relationship everyone thought was the worst decision of your life has ended.

    Sorry the relationship everyone thought was the worst decision of your life has ended

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    I want you to be the first to know I told everyone I'm leaving you.

    I want you to be the first to know I told everyone I'm leaving you.

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    I'm emotionally unavailable and I have strong feelings about it.

    I'm emotionally unavailable and I have strong feelings about it.

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    I wish you had been the one that got away.

    I wish you had been the one that got away.

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    It's not you, it's my horrible choice in men.

    It's not you, it's my horrible choice in men.

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    I'm sorry, but unfortunately there isn't a 'clear history' button for your vagina.

    I'm sorry, but unfortunately there isn't a "clear history" button for your vagina.

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    It's not you, it's me finally realizing you're terrible for me.

    It's not you, it's me finally realizing you're terrible for me

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    I'm sorry if you thought my forced apology was insincere.

    I'm sorry if you thought my forced apology was insincere.

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    Just give me one more chance to prove the last five affairs I had meant nothing to me.

    Just give me one more chance to prove the last five affairs I had meant nothing to me.

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    At some point after sex, we really need to determine whose fault this was.

    At some point after sex, we really need to determine whose fault this was.

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    I'm just calling to make sure you still didn't want me to ever call you again.

    I'm just calling to make sure you still didn't want me to ever call you again.

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    I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text instead.

    I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text instead.

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    My post break-up depression has really helped reverse my holiday weight gain.

    My post break-up depression has really helped reverse my holiday weight gain.

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    I think I need some cyber space.

    I think I need some cyber space

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    I'll always be there for you if you feel like having sex without orgasm.

    I'll always be there for you if you feel like having sex without orgasm.

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    I think we should see other people until I am absolutely sure I can't do any better than you.

    I think we should see other people until I am absolutely sure I can't do any better than you.

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    I feel like we've grown apart over the last few hours.

    I feel like we've grown apart over the last few hours.

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