Wishing you a divorce that's slightly less appalling than your marriage
Sorry I said you can do so much better before your breakup was finalized
If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far
I think we need to take a follow break until you get your Twittering under control
I'm glad the death of an elderly family member has prolonged our relationship
Sorry your outdated religious views dismantled our perfectly fine relationship
I was hoping this electronic greeting card could help salvage our relationship
The disintegration of your marriage has greatly improved my social life
Let's take a break until I've slept with as many people as you have
Wishing you a divorce that's slightly less appalling than your marriage
The best way to get back at an ex is to have sex with me
I need some space
Let's not break up until after the holidays
Just wanted you to not know my new phone number