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    It would be much more enjoyable watching football with you if you didn't root for the wrong team.

    It would be much more enjoyable watching football with you if you didn't root for the wrong team

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    Looking forward to spending lots of quality time with you on Sundays once my team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

    Looking forward to spending lots of quality time with you on Sundays once my team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs

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    You'll always have my undivided attention on Sundays during team timeouts and official reviews.

    You'll always have my undivided attention on Sundays during team timeouts and official reviews

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    It's amazing that the only thing you've ever been on time for is a tailgate.

    It's amazing that the only thing you've ever been on time for is a tailgate

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    Your poor performance in fantasy sports is impressive for its consistency.

    Your poor performance in fantasy sports is impressive for its consistency

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    If you were as good at being on time for work as you are for kickoff you'd have a better job.

    If you were as good at being on time for work as you are for kickoff you'd have a better job

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    You're a great friend with horrible taste in sports teams.

    You're a great friend with horrible taste in sports teams

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    If friends could be drafted I'd definitely pick you before the sixth round.

    If friends could be drafted I'd definitely pick you before the sixth round

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