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Let's boost office morale by going out to drink and complain about office morale
When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die
Appearing busy to avoid being laid off has become more exhausting than actually working
I think it's best if I work from home today rather than risk infecting people with my paralyzing fear of swine flu
Let's factor my hangover into today's workload
I or the company decided it's time for me to leave
Let's decide where we're going for an inedible lunch
My job doesn't feel safe
Let me show you the inhumane cubicle space you'll be inhabiting for ten hours a day
My job is to annoy you
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