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I'd consider going out tonight if I wasn't so tired from thinking about how to get out of going out tonight
My plan is to travel the world in a panda suit
Get me the fuck out of here
I'm hoping for a Facebook application that helps me relearn conversation skills
Filling out my online dating profile is a chilling reminder of how little I have to offer a companion
I can't handle the pressure of making my own salad
I try to allocate a significant portion of my paycheck towards hard alcohol
I can create drama out of anything
I have trouble making decisions
I lost my cell phone and don't know any of your numbers
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