This holiday has made me acutely aware I've never knowingly spoken to a French person
I'm boycotting Bastille Day because I'm still upset about France not supporting a war we were totally wrong about
This Bastille Day, let's be even more pretentious about ordering wine
Let's celebrate the last time the French showed any balls
In honor of Bastille Day, I promise not to mispronounce my many requests for a menage a trois