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I'd blow you if we weren't in the military
I don't mind working weekends because I have absolutely nothing better to do
It's crucial that the produce I buy and eventually discard comes from the local farmer's market
I pretend to not like it doggie style
Spending a day on Facebook has once again fooled me into believing I have an actual social life
I may start using emoticons
I'd rather not get involved with someone who's available
I overcompensate for reasons unrelated to my height
I'm tense because I have too much recorded TV to watch
My high school yearbook quote contained lyrics from a classic rock band
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