I hope your eco-friendly status symbol doesn't smash into a tree
May you be prominent in the will of a Toyota owner
With J.D. Salinger dead, you're my favorite person who never leaves the house
Even though we'll never be famous musicians, professional athletes, or members of Congress, I'm certain we'll always be noteworthy assholes
Current gas prices preclude my driving to see you unless there's at least a 65% chance of sex