I hope your eco-friendly status symbol doesn't smash into a tree
With J.D. Salinger dead, you're my favorite person who never leaves the house
It's time to honor the life of an author who openly despised all of us
Even though we'll never be famous musicians, professional athletes, or members of Congress, I'm certain we'll always be noteworthy assholes
Michael Jackson's death has shown me the dangers of combining Demerol, Dilaudid, Vicodin, and letting pet chimpanzees eat at the dinner table
