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May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder
May you live long enough to shit yourself
Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers
Happy birthday to someone I hope doesn't hog all the swine flu vaccine
FYI, I'm unable to attend your pre-birthday inner circle gathering I wasn't invited to
I'll always remember your birthday because it's around the same time as something more important than your birthday
Happy birthday to someone I feel incredibly close to when I'm intoxicated
Happy birthday to someone I know very little about except that today is your birthday
Sorry everyone ignoring your birthday led you to falsely suspect a surprise party
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