• refine by:
sort-by: Most Popular | Newest
  •  

    Just a reminder this holiday season that not all old bearded men living in remote areas care what you do with a man's anus.

    Just a reminder this holiday season that not all old bearded men living in remote areas care what you do with a man's anus.

  •  

    If I sent Christmas cards, you'd totally be on my list.

    If I sent Christmas cards, you'd totally be on my list.

  •  

    I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice.

    I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice

  •  

    If I wanted to wait in line for some fat bastard to make me promises he can't keep I will just start dating again.

    If I wanted to wait in line for some fat bastard to make me promises he can't keep I will just start dating again.

  •  

    Wishing you joy during the most miserable holiday season in decades.

    Wishing you joy during the most miserable holiday season in decades.

  •  

    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama

  •  

    I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

    I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.

  •  

    Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member.

    Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member.

  •  

    Merry Christmas to someone responsible for my non-immaculate conception.

    Merry Christmas to someone responsible for my non-immaculate conception.

  •  

    I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

    I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas

  •  

    I'll never be the Secret Santa you deserve.

    I'll never be the Secret Santa you deserve

  •  

    May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does.

    May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does

  •  

    May you have more sex and fewer unexpected pregnancies than the Virgin Mary this holiday season.

    May you have more sex and fewer unexpected pregnancies than the Virgin Mary this holiday season.

  •  

    Wishing you a happy whatever doesn't offend you.

    Wishing you a happy whatever doesn't offend you

  •  

    I hope being at your parent's house this holiday break doesn't drive you nuts since you may be living there soon.

    I hope being at your parent's house this holiday break doesn't drive you nuts since you may be living there soon

  •  

    I wish Santa was a one percenter.

    I wish Santa was a one percenter

  •  

    I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

    I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

  •  

    Happy holidays to someone who works approximately as many days a year as Santa.

    Happy holidays to someone who works approximately as many days a year as Santa

  •  

    I don't exist.

    I don't exist

  •  

    I want you to have something I don't need anymore.

    I want you to have something I don't need anymore

DON'T MISS THIS