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Take comfort in knowing the booze I drank using the money set aside for your gift helped me get over the guilt of not getting you a gift

Thanks for getting me a gift I don't actually have to return

I'm going to regift something special for you

I want you to have something I don't need anymore

Let's not break up until after the holidays

I'm too cheap to buy you something

Everyone puts on a few pounds during the holidays

It's the time of the year to start dropping hints at what you want for Christmas

I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted

Let's talk about volunteering at a homeless shelter but not actually do it

I want a menorah for Christmas

You're obliged to love what I made you

Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food

I may not show up this year

Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party

Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one

Lets relish what will likely be our last chance to get obliterated on the company's dime

You'll know I'm your Secret Santa if you don't get anything

You're formally invited to feign interest in conversations about a workplace you're not a part of nor care to understand

A general guideline for this year's office holiday party is for you to do the exact opposite of what you did last year

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