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I wish Sarah Palin was as silent as Tiger Woods

Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card

I respect you enough to not base your holiday gift on my taste

Take comfort in knowing the booze I drank using the money set aside for your gift helped me get over the guilt of not getting you a gift

May you experience the same unbridled joy this holiday season as the retailers Tiger Woods chooses for his wife's Christmas presents

I found the perfect gift for someone with money to get you

There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift

I'd be totally into your invitation to go Christmas caroling if it wasn't for my aversion to singing in public, spreading cheer, and freezing my tits off

My holiday gift to you is not obliterating your life savings in a $50 billion Ponzi scheme

Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts

I need a gift for my boss that strikes a balance between thank you for guiding me through my career and fuck you for still not paying me enough

I hope being at your parent's house this holiday break doesn't drive you nuts since you may be living there soon

Holiday vacation time is the perfect chance to not have sex with the significant other I dont have in the apartment I can no longer afford

Sorry your questions about my sexuality remain unanswered after I showed up to the company holiday party without a date

A general guideline for this year's office holiday party is for you to do the exact opposite of what you did last year

You're formally invited to feign interest in conversations about a workplace you're not a part of nor care to understand

You'll know I'm your Secret Santa if you don't get anything

Lets relish what will likely be our last chance to get obliterated on the company's dime

Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party

Thanks for getting me a gift I don't actually have to return

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