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    I really don't feel like carrying all this shit

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    I am indebted to you and several credit card companies

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    Plan on groping me at the Christmas party

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    I hope this holiday season doesn't cause your suicide

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    I hope you like the gift I took partial credit for

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    Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one

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    I want you to have something I don't need anymore

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    Your gift will be arriving late or never

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    I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice

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    I may not show up this year

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    Everyone puts on a few pounds during the holidays

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    I'm too cheap to buy you something

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    I'm keeping the gifts

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    I don't exist

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    I'm too fucking drunk to remember what you wanted

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