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    The office holiday party is a great place to meet everyone you've been emailing from 10 feet away.

    The office holiday party is a great place to meet everyone you've been emailing from 10 feet away.

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    I’m dreaming of a white Christmas so the roads will be too dangerous to drive to your party.

    I’m dreaming of a white Christmas so the roads will be too dangerous to drive to your party.

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    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party.

    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party

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    I hope you have a white Christmas with your very white family.

    I hope you have a white Christmas with your very white family

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    I'm only wearing this ugly Christmas sweater so that you'll rip it off my body.

    I'm only wearing this ugly Christmas sweater so that you'll rip it off my body.

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    I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice.

    I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice

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    Even though it doesn't have a limited-time free shipping offer, yours is my favorite package of the holiday season.

    Even though it doesn't have a limited-time free shipping offer, yours is my favorite package of the holiday season.

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    Your gift will be arriving late or never.

    Your gift will be arriving late or never

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    If I wanted to wait in line for some fat bastard to make me promises he can't keep I will just start dating again.

    If I wanted to wait in line for some fat bastard to make me promises he can't keep I will just start dating again.

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    If I sent Christmas cards, you'd totally be on my list.

    If I sent Christmas cards, you'd totally be on my list.

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    The Christmas season and pretty much any other point in history are the toughest times to be Jewish.

    The Christmas season and pretty much any other point in history are the toughest times to be Jewish.

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    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama.

    All I want for Christmas this year is the 2008 version of Obama

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    Rest assured your drunken comments at the office holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings.

    Rest assured your drunken comments at the office holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings.

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    Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member.

    Here's hoping Santa is able to deliver all his toys before he's shot by an NRA member.

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    Holiday vacation time is the perfect chance to not have sex with the significant other I dont have in the apartment I can no longer afford.

    Holiday vacation time is the perfect chance to not have sex with the significant other I dont have in the apartment I can no longer afford

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    I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

    I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas

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    'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, family, and friends who are the reason you drink too much.

    'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, family, and friends who are the reason you drink too much.

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    May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does.

    May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does

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    I hope you like the gift I took partial credit for.

    I hope you like the gift I took partial credit for

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    Wishing you a happy whatever doesn't offend you.

    Wishing you a happy whatever doesn't offend you

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