May. 1st, 2008
Remember that Cinco de Mayo is an important celebration for Mexicans everywhere except almost all of Mexico.
Apr. 29th, 2009
It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de Mayo.
May. 1st, 2008
Tonight I insist on eating authentic Mexican food while wearing a novelty sombrero.
May. 3rd, 2012
May The Avengers inspire you to drink superheroically this Cinco de Mayo.
May. 5th, 2011
Please make sure photos of me from Cinco de Mayo are kept as concealed as photos of Bin Laden's death.
May. 3rd, 2009
Pretending to appreciate heartfelt mariachi songs may be the key to getting laid this Cinco de Mayo.
May. 1st, 2008
Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.
May. 4th, 2012
I hope failing your Spanish final doesn't interfere with your Cinco de Mayo celebration.
May. 4th, 2011
Let's interrupt a week of unbridled American patriotism for a half-assed celebration of Mexico.
May. 1st, 2008
I'm not above using obscure Mexican battles to justify my drinking.
Apr. 28th, 2009
This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed.
May. 1st, 2008
Today I'm making Hispanics more comfortable by peppering conversations with my feeble high school Spanish.
May. 1st, 2008
Let's gather for a shockingly disrespectful homage to Mexican culture.
May. 4th, 2012
Let's honor the bravery of Mexican soldiers this Cinco de Mayo by drunkenly devouring a Doritos-shelled taco.
May. 1st, 2008
I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell.
May. 1st, 2008
I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you can refrain from calling me a hot tamale.
Apr. 27th, 2010
This Cinco de Mayo, let's teach Mexicans in Arizona how to look as white as possible while partying.
May. 1st, 2008
Let's avoid direct professional confrontations by putting severance checks in the office pinata.
May. 4th, 2011
Just curious if we can count my phoning you to bail me out of jail this Cinco de Mayo as my Mother's Day call.
May. 1st, 2008
Sorry I wished you a Happy Cinco de Mayo not knowing you're Dominican or Honduran or that that makes a difference.
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