


This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed

Pretending to appreciate heartfelt mariachi songs may be the key to getting laid this Cinco de Mayo

I'm not above using obscure Mexican battles to justify my drinking

I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you can refrain from calling me a hot tamale

Let's avoid direct professional confrontations by putting severance checks in the office pinata

Tonight I insist on eating authentic Mexican food while wearing a novelty sombrero

Let's gather for a shockingly disrespectful homage to Mexican culture

I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell