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I hope you don't arrest me for wishing you a happy Cinco de Mayo

This Cinco de Mayo, let's teach Mexicans in Arizona how to look as white as possible while partying

Pretending to appreciate heartfelt mariachi songs may be the key to getting laid this Cinco de Mayo

It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de Mayo

This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed

Remember that Cinco de Mayo is an important celebration for Mexicans everywhere except almost all of Mexico

I'm celebrating Cinco de Mayo by puking tequila and gorditas on the side of a Taco Bell

Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall

Let's gather for a shockingly disrespectful homage to Mexican culture

Tonight I insist on eating authentic Mexican food while wearing a novelty sombrero

Sorry I wished you a Happy Cinco de Mayo not knowing you're Dominican or Honduran or that that makes a difference

Let's avoid direct professional confrontations by putting severance checks in the office pinata

I'll hook up with you this Cinco de Mayo if you can refrain from calling me a hot tamale

Today I'm making Hispanics more comfortable by peppering conversations with my feeble high school Spanish

I'm not above using obscure Mexican battles to justify my drinking

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