May. 3rd, 2012
Sometimes my poor life decisions look like fantastic drinking opportunities.
May. 2nd, 2012
Good luck studying information you'll never use in the job you won't have when you graduate.
May. 1st, 2012
Take a break from studying for finals to go protest your upcoming state of unemployment.
Dec. 9th, 2011
I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams.
Dec. 9th, 2011
I'm confident you'll ace your finals since you have no social or sex life to distract you.
Dec. 8th, 2011
A great way to relieve the stress of final exams is by cheating.
Dec. 8th, 2011
Sorry no matter how well you do on college finals you'll never make as much money as high school graduate Albert Pujols.
Dec. 8th, 2011
Good luck on final exams to someone whose major is as real as Santa Claus.
Dec. 7th, 2011
The most important thing to learn in college is how to eventually dodge your student loan officer.
Nov. 10th, 2011
Sorry it's now horribly awkward to display your Penn State degree.
Aug. 24th, 2011
I hope college teaches you everything except how useless college is.
Aug. 23rd, 2011
I can't wait to catch up with you on all the things we've been IM'ing, texting, and Facebooking about all summer.
Aug. 23rd, 2011
Good luck on the transition from doing nothing at home to doing nothing at school.
Oct. 25th, 2010
Detour to College.
Apr. 26th, 2009
It's a good thing you learned to play the guitar so you have something to do while not getting laid.
Mar. 1st, 2010
May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break.
Mar. 1st, 2009
Sorry you're stuck with or deeply concerned about being apart from your significant other this spring break.
Feb. 27th, 2009
I hope Twitter's 140-character limit doesn't hinder you from describing every detail of your ecstasy-fueled spring break beach orgies.
Feb. 27th, 2009
I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are.
Feb. 27th, 2009
Let's take a break from our job searches to spend our remaining savings on drinks for half-naked college girls.