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    Let's take a break from our job searches to spend our remaining savings on drinks for half-naked college girls.

    Let's take a break from our job searches to spend our remaining savings on drinks for half-naked college girls

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    I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are.

    I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are

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    I'd love to do all those things from my favorite college movies but it turns out they're felonies.

    I'd love to do all those things from my favorite college movies but it turns out they're felonies

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    I'd show more school spirit if this wasn't my safety school.

    I'd show more school spirit if this wasn't my safety school

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    Sorry it's now horribly awkward to display your Penn State degree.

    Sorry it's now horribly awkward to display your Penn State degree

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    Sorry you're stuck with or deeply concerned about being apart from your significant other this spring break.

    Sorry you're stuck with or deeply concerned about being apart from your significant other this spring break

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    The most important thing to learn in college is how to eventually dodge your student loan officer.

    The most important thing to learn in college is how to eventually dodge your student loan officer

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    A great way to relieve the stress of final exams is by cheating.

    A great way to relieve the stress of final exams is by cheating

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    I'm confident you'll ace your finals since you have no social or sex life to distract you.

    I'm confident you'll ace your finals since you have no social or sex life to distract you

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    Sorry you chose such an expensive school during the worst economy in decades.

    Sorry you chose such an expensive school during the worst economy in decades

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    I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams.

    I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams

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    Sorry you're having roommate problems.

    Sorry you're having roommate problems

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    College opened my eyes to diversity before I settled into a familiar clique.

    College opened my eyes to diversity before I settled into a familiar clique

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    I can't wait to catch up with you on all the things we've been IM'ing, texting, and Facebooking about all summer.

    I can't wait to catch up with you on all the things we've been IM'ing, texting, and Facebooking about all summer

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    Sorry you can't mention the Ivy League school you attend or attended without inadvertently sounding like a douchebag.

    Sorry you can't mention the Ivy League school you attend or attended without inadvertently sounding like a douchebag

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    Sorry no matter how well you do on college finals you'll never make as much money as high school graduate Albert Pujols.

    Sorry no matter how well you do on college finals you'll never make as much money as high school graduate Albert Pujols

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    Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying.

    Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying

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    I hope Twitter's 140-character limit doesn't hinder you from describing every detail of your ecstasy-fueled spring break beach orgies.

    I hope Twitter's 140-character limit doesn't hinder you from describing every detail of your ecstasy-fueled spring break beach orgies

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    If you listen to all my stories about the summer, you'll have a better shot of sleeping with me this fall.

    If you listen to all my stories about the summer, you'll have a better shot of sleeping with me this fall

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    May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break.

    May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break

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