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It would be a tragic waste of talent if you didn't enter every conceivable spring break wet t-shirt contest

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I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are

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Let's take a break from our job searches to spend our remaining savings on drinks for half-naked college girls

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May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break

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If you listen to all my stories about the summer, you'll have a better shot of sleeping with me this fall

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With the job market in shambles, I see no reason to steer clear of career-jeopardizing photos this spring break

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Sorry you're having roommate problems

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I'd show more school spirit if this wasn't my safety school

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College opened my eyes to diversity before I settled into a familiar clique

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Sorry you can't mention the Ivy League school you attend or attended without inadvertently sounding like a douchebag

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Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying

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I hope your spring break isn't further shamed by the fact that our president has a better beach body than you

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I promise not to laugh anymore at your ridiculous major

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We'll be perfect roommates as long as you never touch anything of mine and leave the second my friends come over

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Maybe this is the year we'll actually get to use the signal we devised to indicate one of us is having sex in our dorm room

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Sorry more of your teachers want to sleep with you than you realize

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I hope Twitter's 140-character limit doesn't hinder you from describing every detail of your ecstasy-fueled spring break beach orgies

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Sorry you're stuck with or deeply concerned about being apart from your significant other this spring break

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Sorry you chose such an expensive school during the worst economy in decades

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The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness

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