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May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break

Sorry you're stuck with or deeply concerned about being apart from your significant other this spring break

I hope Twitter's 140-character limit doesn't hinder you from describing every detail of your ecstasy-fueled spring break beach orgies

I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are

Let's take a break from our job searches to spend our remaining savings on drinks for half-naked college girls

It would be a tragic waste of talent if you didn't enter every conceivable spring break wet t-shirt contest

With the job market in shambles, I see no reason to steer clear of career-jeopardizing photos this spring break

I hope your spring break isn't further shamed by the fact that our president has a better beach body than you

Sorry you can't mention the Ivy League school you attend or attended without inadvertently sounding like a douchebag

College opened my eyes to diversity before I settled into a familiar clique

I'd show more school spirit if this wasn't my safety school

I'd love to do all those things from my favorite college movies but it turns out they're felonies

We're concerned about your lack of bullshit classes

Sorry you're having roommate problems

The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness

Sorry you chose such an expensive school during the worst economy in decades

Sorry more of your teachers want to sleep with you than you realize

Maybe this is the year we'll actually get to use the signal we devised to indicate one of us is having sex in our dorm room

We'll be perfect roommates as long as you never touch anything of mine and leave the second my friends come over

I promise not to laugh anymore at your ridiculous major

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