May your behavior be the only natural disaster this spring break
I can't wait to act like sluts in an environment where no one knows what sluts we are
College opened my eyes to diversity before I settled into a familiar clique
I'd love to do all those things from my favorite college movies but it turns out they're felonies
The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness
Sorry you chose such an expensive school during the worst economy in decades
Sorry more of your teachers want to sleep with you than you realize
