Oct. 10th, 2011
Let's celebrate the discovery of a nation that totally kicks ass for one percent of its citizens.
Oct. 10th, 2011
This Columbus Day, let's commemorate a voyage that was even more poorly planned than a Netflix announcement.
Oct. 10th, 2011
Here's to screwing up America so badly that the Native Americans wouldn't even want it back.
Oct. 12th, 2009
I am suspicious of a holiday solely devoted to a man's inability to ask for directions.
Oct. 5th, 2010
Let's celebrate an Italian man for discovering a new continent rather than a new ab exercise.
Oct. 6th, 2009
Let's celebrate Columbus day by walking into someone's house and telling them we live there now.
Oct. 5th, 2009
Let's hope by next Columbus Day all Americans have better health care options than the crew of a 1492 second-hand cargo ship.
Oct. 12th, 2008
This Columbus Day, let's apologize for our historical mistreatment of American Indians by losing money at a tribal casino.
Oct. 7th, 2008
I wonder if Columbus would have turned around if he knew how much we'd fuck up his discovery.
Oct. 7th, 2008
Let's commemorate Columbus Day by behaving like conquest-hungry sailors after a 32-week voyage.
Oct. 7th, 2008
Thank god America still rewards people who miss their objectives by thousands of miles.
Oct. 7th, 2008
If I discovered America, I'd expect more than just having some of its shittiest cities named after me.
Oct. 7th, 2008
Let's honor a man who was only moderately aggressive by Italian standards.