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    Let's hope by next Columbus Day all Americans have better health care options than the crew of a 1492 second-hand cargo ship

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    This Columbus Day, let's apologize for our historical mistreatment of American Indians by losing money at a tribal casino

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    I wonder if Columbus would have turned around if he knew how much we'd fuck up his discovery

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    Let's commemorate Columbus Day by behaving like conquest-hungry sailors after a 32-week voyage

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    Thank god America still rewards people who miss their objectives by thousands of miles

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    If I discovered America, I'd expect more than just having some of its shittiest cities named after me

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    Let's honor a man who was only moderately aggressive by Italian standards

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