someecards.com

I love you more than Newt Gingrich loves abandoning a sick wife.

Someecards — Wed, 8 Feb 2012 12:10:00 EST

I'd like to cook you a meal that I think is better than almost any takeout within your apartment's delivery radius.

Someecards — Wed, 8 Feb 2012 11:15:00 EST

I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.

Someecards — Wed, 8 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 15:43:00 EST

Sorry even your gay friends will now be getting married before you.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 14:46:00 EST

For me, you're the perfect combination of body and brains.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 14:40:00 EST

Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 12:37:00 EST

May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 11:45:00 EST

A long engagement is a great way to delay the eventual drudgery of our actual marriage.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 11:01:00 EST

Sorry you confused "playing hard to get" with my genuine disinterest.

Someecards — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

Let's ironically celebrate Valentine's Day by going on a date.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 17:01:00 EST

May your birthday be as joyful as a Giants fan within earshot of a Patriots fan.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 15:22:00 EST

Be my Valentine and you may benefit from the impulsive spending of my Super Bowl winnings.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 14:01:00 EST

In a zombie apocalypse I'd eat you last.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 12:30:00 EST

Congratulations to M.I.A. on being the last person under 50 ever allowed to perform at the Super Bowl again.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 12:07:00 EST

Sorry the 2011 Patriots couldn't erase the memory of the 2011 Red Sox.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 10:27:00 EST

Congratulations to the Patriots on not having had a perfect season to blow.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 09:50:00 EST

Now that football season is over I can finally get back to wishing it was football season.

Someecards — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

Congratulations to Indianapolis on having one meaningful football game with a Manning this season.

Someecards — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 17:01:00 EST

I'll pretend to give a crap about the Super Bowl if you pretend to give a crap about Valentine's Day.

Someecards — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 15:01:00 EST

I hope your team wins and your city doesn't riot.

Someecards — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 14:01:00 EST

I'm going to bet on you passing out by the coin toss.

Someecards — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 12:01:00 EST

I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals.

Someecards — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

The only way I'll conceivably care about this year's Super Bowl is if I place a dangerously large wager.

Someecards — Sat, 4 Feb 2012 15:03:00 EST

Super Bowl parties are a great opportunity to enjoy a wholesome event with friends and perhaps meet a man who prefers sex with women.

Someecards — Sat, 4 Feb 2012 11:01:00 EST

I'm confident that my gluttonous Super Bowl feast will put an end to your ridiculous New Year's Resolution to lose weight.

Someecards — Sat, 4 Feb 2012 05:01:00 EST

The only Super Bowl bet I'm making is that you'll lose money betting on the Super Bowl.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 17:01:00 EST

I support the right of all women's organizations to abort their terrible decisions.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 15:51:00 EST

I hope the player who makes the winning catch in this year's Super Bowl doesn't unintentionally shoot himself in the thigh next season.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 15:01:00 EST

I'd be much more into your Super Bowl party if it didn't involve watching the Super Bowl.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 13:19:00 EST

Brunch of Shame card, featured in Glamour Magazine!

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 12:01:00 EST

You can also see the card in Glamour Magazine's brand new feature section cataloguing their favorite things on the web called "See It, Share It"! Check it out if you want to know what a "Hasband" is (as opposed to Husband), see a cat and dog hugging, or just stare at a picture of a great cupcake.

Check it out >>

The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

Remember not to let your Web site crash the day after it's valued at $100 billion.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 13:52:00 EST

At least Donald Trump didn't endorse Donald Trump.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 13:45:00 EST

The Facebook IPO announcement proves that every one of my worthless status updates was actually valuable.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 12:12:00 EST

Komen-bashing.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 11:08:00 EST

Susan G. Komen for the Cure, America's most recognized and funded breast-cancer charity, announced that it will cease its work with Planned Parenthood, a major provider of breast cancer screening. A day after the move, a massive outpouring of outrage has the charity on its heels trying to defend itself. Komen's insistence that its move is "not about politics" has not convinced the outraged, who point out that Komen's new policy just happens to coincide with the hiring of new executive Karen Handel, an anti-abortion Republican. The only appropriate reaction is to flood this Facebook page with obnoxious ecards which you can create here.

SEND OR POST THIS CARD >>

Reading your tweets about Groundhog Day makes me feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 10:45:00 EST

I'm celebrating Groundhog Day by repeating the same crappy day I had yesterday.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

I bet we'd be more into Black History Month if we weren't white.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Feb 2012 14:52:00 EST

Let's kick off Black History Month by finally establishing which white guy will probably lose to Obama.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Feb 2012 11:52:00 EST

Someday I'd like you to be my emergency contact person.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Feb 2012 11:01:00 EST

I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless your mother is a drunk whore too.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Feb 2012 08:01:00 EST

May your fashionable winter boots continue protecting you from 45-degree weather.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:20:00 EST

How to feign manliness during cell phone conversations with your girlfriend in public.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:01:00 EST

This clip from Comedy Central's new sketch series Key & Peele is an excellent snapshot of the importance of making a false impression on people you'll never see again. The great thing about total strangers is they have no idea how cowardly and demure you really are. With a little phone-voice modulation you can convince any number of passing bystanders that you're an absolute badass, just as long as they never have to interact with you for more than thirty seconds. Key & Peele premieres on Comedy Central tonight at 10:30/9:30c.

Check out more Key & Peele videos here >>

Sorry to the town of Punxsutawney that the mild winter makes Groundhog Day even more pointless than usual.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:02:00 EST

I hope I get a big enough tax return to support the drinking habit I've formed from filing taxes.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:01:00 EST

I'm sending you a Black History Month card because I don't have any black friends.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:50:00 EST

Congratulations on being a year closer to finding out if atheism was the right choice.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:17:00 EST

Let's get together to watch the Super Bowl if you're not too busy keeping a Jets fan on suicide watch.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:29:00 EST

Happy early Valentine's Day to someone who should already be planning the greatest night of my life.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:01:00 EST