Congratulations to Facebook on going public with all my private information.
Congratulations to Snooki on proving everything every girl's parents ever told them is wrong.
Congratulations on your fifteen minutes of still not being famous.
Glad to hear your weight gain was due to pregnancy and not depression.
Congratulations on your 35th minute anniversary of being clean and sober.
Congratulations on not having bedbugs despite the high turnover rate of people entering your bed.
Congratulations on choosing a profile picture that doesn't qualify as softcore porn.
Congratulations on the upcoming celebration of your inherent ability to ignore red flags.
The secret to a successful marriage is to let other people do it.
Congratulations on finding your balls again.
Congratulations on finding people who congratulate you on staying sober 24 hours.
May your most recently devised subterfuge fool a suitable mate into loving who you claim to be.
Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.
Congratulations on finding another web-based outlet for your consuming narcissism.
Congratulations on having just enough Facebook friends to appear popular, but not needy.
Congratulations on losing the weight we were all pretending you didn't need to lose.
![[UPDATED] 31 unintentionally offensive test answers from young children.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e1dc1c5aa37f_m4e1de248b5159.jpg)
![[UPDATED] 20 yearbook quotes and photos that don't bode well for our future.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e15499c2e0cd_m4e1b1a0a2ade0.jpg)
