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    Let's celebrate that you're out of the doghouse in hopes that the celebration doesn't get you back into the doghouse.

    Let's celebrate that you're out of the doghouse in hopes that the celebration doesn't get you back into the doghouse.

  •  

    Congratulations on your fifteen minutes of still not being famous.

    Congratulations on your fifteen minutes of still not being famous.

  •  

    Glad to hear your weight gain was due to pregnancy and not depression.

    Glad to hear your weight gain was due to pregnancy and not depression

  •  

    Congratulations on your 35th minute anniversary of being clean and sober.

    Congratulations on your 35th minute anniversary of being clean and sober.

  •  

    Congratulations on not having bedbugs despite the high turnover rate of people entering your bed.

    Congratulations on not having bedbugs despite the high turnover rate of people entering your bed

  •  

    Congratulations on choosing a profile picture that doesn't qualify as softcore porn.

    Congratulations on choosing a profile picture that doesn't qualify as softcore porn

  •  

    Congratulations on the upcoming celebration of your inherent ability to ignore red flags.

    Congratulations on the upcoming celebration of your inherent ability to ignore red flags.

  •  

    The secret to a successful marriage is to let other people do it.

    The secret to a successful marriage is to let other people do it.

  •  

    Congratulations on finding your balls again.

    Congratulations on finding your balls again.

  •  

    Congratulations on finding people who congratulate you on staying sober 24 hours.

    Congratulations on finding people who congratulate you on staying sober 24 hours

  •  

    May your most recently devised subterfuge fool a suitable mate into loving who you claim to be.

    May your most recently devised subterfuge fool a suitable mate into loving who you claim to be.

  •  

    May I be the first to congratulate me for being the first to congratulate you on your recent accomplishment.

    May I be the first to congratulate me for being the first to congratulate you on your recent accomplishment.

  •  

    Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.

    Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.

  •  

    Congratulations on successfully performing a basic task of life which the rest of the world performs daily and without expectation of praise.

    Congratulations on successfully performing a basic task of life which the rest of the world performs daily and without expectation of praise.

  •  

    Congratulations on finding another web-based outlet for your consuming narcissism.

    Congratulations on finding another web-based outlet for your consuming narcissism.

  •  

    Congratulations on having job security during tough economic times by working in an industry that exploits people during tough economic times.

    Congratulations on having job security during tough economic times by working in an industry that exploits people during tough economic times

  •  

    Congratulations on having just enough Facebook friends to appear popular, but not needy.

    Congratulations on having just enough Facebook friends to appear popular, but not needy

  •  

    Congratulations on losing the weight we were all pretending you didn't need to lose.

    Congratulations on losing the weight we were all pretending you didn't need to lose

  •  

    Congratulations on not making enough money to be considered for layoffs.

    Congratulations on not making enough money to be considered for layoffs

  •  

    Congratulations on temporarily finding the love of your life.

    Congratulations on temporarily finding the love of your life

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