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    Congratulations on remembering my name.

    Congratulations on remembering my name

  •  

    Congratulations on completely blowing your first paycheck.

    Congratulations on completely blowing your first paycheck

  •  

    Congratulations on losing, gaining, and losing weight.

    Congratulations on losing, gaining, and losing weight

  •  

    Congratulations on providing the worst customer service experience of my life.

    Congratulations on providing the worst customer service experience of my life

  •  

    Congratulations on deciding what to wear.

    Congratulations on deciding what to wear

  •  

    Congratulations on probably not dying alone.

    Congratulations on probably not dying alone

  •  

    Congratulations on marrying the next person you dated after me.

    Congratulations on marrying the next person you dated after me

  •  

    Congratulations on finding an absurdly overpriced place to live.

    Congratulations on finding an absurdly overpriced place to live

  •  

    Congratulations on almost quitting smoking.

    Congratulations on almost quitting smoking

  •  

    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.

    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity

  •  

    Congratulations on ending your dry spell.

    Congratulations on ending your dry spell

  •  

    Congratulations on staying single.

    Congratulations on staying single

  •  

    Congratulations on clinging to heterosexuality.

    Congratulations on clinging to heterosexuality

  •  

    Congratulations on your new job that you probably won't like any better.

    Congratulations on your new job that you probably won't like any better

  •  

    Congratulations on finding your true calling.

    Congratulations on finding your true calling

  •  

    Congratulations on getting your SAG card.

    Congratulations on getting your SAG card

  •  

    Congratulations on your adequate severance package.

    Congratulations on your adequate severance package

  •  

    Congratulations on not getting me pregnant.

    Congratulations on not getting me pregnant

  •  

    Congratulations on never having to go back to Hebrew School.

    Congratulations on never having to go back to Hebrew School

  •  

    Congratulations on not having cancer.

    Congratulations on not having cancer

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