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    When I die, I hope I'll be doing nothing, so people could say that at least I died doing what I love.

    When I die, I hope I'll be doing nothing, so people could say that at least I died doing what I love.

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    To Know Me Is To Abhor Me.

    To Know Me Is To Abhor Me

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    It would be great if you would schedule your social events around my mood swings.

    It would be great if you would schedule your social events around my mood swings.

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    Hating all of my friends has really had a negative effect on my social life.

    Hating all of my friends has really had a negative effect on my social life.

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    Having sex is my ultimate sexual fantasy.

    Having sex is my ultimate sexual fantasy.

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    I threw my back out sucking my belly in.

    I threw my back out sucking my belly in

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    I'm lowering my sodium levels by crying in my chili cheese fries.

    I'm lowering my sodium levels by crying in my chili cheese fries.

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    I need emotional Viagra.

    I need emotional Viagra.

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    Sometimes I binge and forget to purge.

    Sometimes I binge and forget to purge.

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    Words cannot express how much I don't care.

    Words cannot express how much I don't care.

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    I think my ass is beginning to affect the tides.

    I think my ass is beginning to affect the tides.

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    Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

    Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

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    All I've had for breakfast is coffee and Plan B.

    All I've had for breakfast is coffee and Plan B

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    Using 'Force Quit' makes me feel like a jedi knight.

    Using "Force Quit" makes me feel like a jedi knight.

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    My flamboyant attire picks up where my parents left off.

    My flamboyant attire picks up where my parents left off.

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    If it will move things along, I guess we can try doggie style.

    If it will move things along, I guess we can try doggie style.

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    I'm finding that the shitty job I took out of desperation is really getting in the way of my search for a new shitty job.

    I'm finding that the shitty job I took out of desperation is really getting in the way of my search for a new shitty job.

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    Someone should install a breathalyzer on Facebook.

    Someone should install a breathalyzer on Facebook.

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    I've become soul-crushingly good at cooking for one.

    I've become soul-crushingly good at cooking for one.

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    I need a girl that isn't shallow and has huge tits.

    I need a girl that isn't shallow and has huge tits.

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