I need to know you've kept me visible in your Facebook News Feed
At least closing those Netflix pop-under ads gives me something to do
I'm hoping for a Facebook application that helps me relearn conversation skills
I seek geographic solutions to deep-seated emotional problems
My agonizingly trivial Twitter updates only confirm the bone-chilling hollowness of my existence
I'm holding out for a dating site that caters to people who are undatable
My social skills are eerily similar to those of notorious homicidal maniacs
I wish there was a social networking site where everyone would leave me the fuck alone
I don't have time for a relationship because I'm too busy analyzing why I'm not in one
I simply cannot summon the strength to stop watching Goodfellas once it's started
I almost bought a cell phone cover today
I can create drama out of anything
I have trouble making decisions
I lost my cell phone and don't know any of your numbers
I bring down downers