April 8th, 2015:
Humans and shark are at peace. Belly rubs are plentiful.
If you haven't been keeping up with summer shark fear, or if you checked out after Shark Week, this timeline should catch you up on how we went from gently loving sharks to creatively endangering our lives in an effort to avoid them.
April 15th, 2015:
A shark does a backyard drive-by, testing the waters. Is this a warning or an invitation?
June 4th, 2015:
Sharknado 3 teaser released; tensions noticeably increase.
June 30th, 2015:
Video of an 11.5' Great White attacking a cage is released. Humans remember sharks are f-ing terrifying.
July 2nd, 2015:
A clear warning is issued by this wise woman. The ocean is the shark's house. Do not go in the shark's house.
July 6th, 2015:
In a moment of tone-deaf levity, a shark photobombs another shark.
July 9th, 2015:
MUTANT VOLCANO SHARKS DISCOVERED. NATION TREMBLES.
July 19th, 2015:
Surfer is attacked by bold shark on live TV, who resorts to punching the enemy right in the face. This hand-to-fin skirmish ends with man on top, shark underwater.
July 20th, 2015:
Brian Kilmeade of Fox and Friends suggests what any American would; that sharks get the hell out of our oceans.
July 21st, 2015:
Humans resort to swimming in homemade shark-proof cages...for their own safety.
We're halfway through summer. Peak hysteria has been reached. The sharks have won.