"Wake up! I need to get outside so I can get back in."
As I believe we've adequately covered the topic of a-hole cats waking their owners up by smacking them in the face, it's probably time to take those d-bag dogs down a peg or two, as well. Don't let their wagging tails and licking tongues fool you. They can be just as obnoxious and selfish as cats in their own way. Allow me to make my case.
Exhibit A: This video compilation of dogs waking their owners up from restful slumbers. Exhibit B: Everything else dogs do ever. Cats at least have the courtesy to spend most of their lives pretending we don't exist. Dogs demand constant attention during the six or seven hours a day that they're not napping. Pet me, let me out, let me in, let me out again, let me in again, let me dig my nails into your thigh flesh, give me some of that food you're eating. It is constant. The only beings more self-obsessed than dogs are human babies. And maybe every other kind of human.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)