What is it that makes us human? Is it our ability to create beautiful art and music? Is it our complex web of feelings and critical thinking skills that constantly put empathy and logic at odds? Or is it that we stand on two legs like the goddamn fancy kings of animals that we are? I'm guessing it's the third one, because if it wasn't, this video of a biped bear from New Jersey wouldn't be nearly as disturbing. Fortunately, the mystery of why it walks has been solved.
We've actually written about this guy before, and his two-legged antics that make it seem like he'll wander up to you and adorably ask for a pic-a-nic basket. But do not approach the bipedal bear. If you do, he will knock out and steal your clothes. Then, when you finally wake up and make your way home, you'll discover that the bipedal bear has taken over your life — and your partner didn't even notice.
At least, that's what I'd do if I was a bipedal bear. Not that I've thought about it.