Overly self-confident a-hole.
Profession: Something in finance

A test may supposedly assess a child's ability to spell, but if they decide to spell harder words just to prove they can, they're probably going to be an intellectual snob someday. Start pre-emptively hating your kids with our guide to just how obnoxious they will be as adults. It's either that or teach them how to cheat better.

 


Total hippie.
Profession: None.

 


Homophobic guy who can't tell his friends he loves them.
Profession: Beer marketer.

 


Bleeding heart liberal.
Profession: Activist/poet.

 


Hypochondriac.
Profession: Unable to work because of crippling anxiety.

 


Incapable of feeling empathy.
Profession: Whatever Karl Rove is now.

 


Cuddly, but drug-addicted.
Profession: Professional meth head.

 


Pessimistic and generally depressing to be around.
Profession: Tax attorney.

 


Secretly sex-obsessed and constantly letting that slip.
Profession: Sexy librarian.

 

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Cynical jerk.
Profession: Comedy writer.