A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand
I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off
This Earth Day, help construct a giant ark that you will soon call home
This Earth Day, take a break from being a selfish, gas-guzzling prick
I'm hoping our observance of Earth Day will make polar bears hate us less
Let's do our part for the environment by eating a non-endangered species
I admire your determination to save the planet despite your inability to save a houseplant
Tonight I'm going to recycle my beer bottles instead of throwing them out the car window
If we make love today, I promise not to flush the used condoms down the toilet
If you commit suicide today, try to use a method other than carbon monoxide asphyxiation
