This Earth Day, I'll be doing my part for zero population growth by continuing to never get laid
I wish more people cared about Earth as much as they cared about who they believe created it
I'm doing my part to save the planet by occasionally using method hand soap
Let's hope celebrating Earth Day will convince Earth to stop trying to kill us for one day
This Earth Day, help construct a giant ark that you will soon call home
This Earth Day, gaze lovingly at an endangered species
Let's do our part for Earth Day by continuing to only impact the outside world via email, Facebook, and Twitter
This Earth Day, sell all your winter gear
I'm reducing my carbon footprint by not flying due to a debilitating fear of sleepy air traffic controllers
This Earth Day, take a break from being a selfish, gas-guzzling prick
It's my goal to be environmentally conscious without sounding like a complete douchebag
Carpe diem before the glaciers drown us
I'm finally getting used to going through all four seasons in one day
Sometimes I wish I could make love to the environment
Happy Earth Day to someone who I'm fairly sure thinks global warming is a myth
This is the day to appreciate all of god's creatures except annoying humans who love animals too much
I'm recycling cans this Earth Day for the extra nickels to help pay for gas
If you commit suicide today, try to use a method other than carbon monoxide asphyxiation
If we make love today, I promise not to flush the used condoms down the toilet
I'm helping improve the environment by shitting outdoors