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This Earth Day, help construct a giant ark that you will soon call home

This Earth Day, gaze lovingly at an endangered species

This Earth Day, sell all your winter gear

This Earth Day, take a break from being a selfish, gas-guzzling prick

Carpe diem before the glaciers drown us

Sometimes I wish I could make love to the environment

This is the day to appreciate all of god's creatures except annoying humans who love animals too much

I'm helping improve the environment by shitting outdoors

Let's recycle cliches about taking action on global warming

I'm hoping our observance of Earth Day will make polar bears hate us less

Let's pretend we can function without modern electronics

Let's do our part for the environment by eating a non-endangered species

This Earth Day, let's use as little energy as possible

A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand

I admire your determination to save the planet despite your inability to save a houseplant

Tonight I'm going to recycle my beer bottles instead of throwing them out the car window

If we make love today, I promise not to flush the used condoms down the toilet

I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off

If you commit suicide today, try to use a method other than carbon monoxide asphyxiation

I oppose preserving civilization because I have a better chance of getting laid in a post-apocalyptic world

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