It's a bit confusing to celebrate Earth Day with a president who isn't trying to destroy Earth
Happy Earth Day to someone who I'm fairly sure thinks global warming is a myth
I promise not to yell Al Gore's name during sex with you this Earth Day
This Earth Day, I'll be doing my part for zero population growth by continuing to never get laid
I wonder if the next planet we destroy will also get its own holiday
I'm finally getting used to going through all four seasons in one day
I'm doing my part to save the planet by occasionally using method hand soap
I conceal a lack of worldliness by pretending to care about my carbon footprint
It's my goal to be environmentally conscious without sounding like a complete douchebag
If you commit suicide today, try to use a method other than carbon monoxide asphyxiation
I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off
If we make love today, I promise not to flush the used condoms down the toilet
Tonight I'm going to recycle my beer bottles instead of throwing them out the car window
I admire your determination to save the planet despite your inability to save a houseplant
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand
Let's do our part for the environment by eating a non-endangered species
This Earth Day, help construct a giant ark that you will soon call home
I conserve electricity by having my power forcefully shut off
If you commit suicide today, try to use a method other than carbon monoxide asphyxiation
It's my goal to be environmentally conscious without sounding like a complete douchebag
