Apr. 4th, 2012
A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date.
Mar. 16th, 2008
After Jesus, you're my second-favorite Jew.
Apr. 22nd, 2011
I hope you have a better Good Friday than Jesus did.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Drag a pagan to church this Easter.
Apr. 5th, 2009
It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew.
Apr. 2nd, 2012
Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights.
Apr. 5th, 2012
It's too bad Ryan Gosling wasn't around to save Jesus.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan.
Apr. 5th, 2009
May this finally be the year your Messiah returns to earth.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another.
Apr. 25th, 2011
Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.
Mar. 16th, 2008
I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist.
Mar. 16th, 2008
I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work.
Mar. 16th, 2008
The Easter Bunny still scares the living shit out of me.
Apr. 4th, 2012
Sorry people are more excited about the resurrection of Titanic than the resurrection of your Lord and Savior.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.
Apr. 9th, 2012
I wish I was resurrected from the dead on Sunday so I had an excuse for taking off work on Monday.
Mar. 16th, 2008
Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not.